manipulative in-laws?
as wedding gifts, i got very cheap gifts (cheap cotton/synthetic sarees - of the kind that can only be worn at home or given to maidservants) from well-off in-laws (they have a flat in a big city, a car, and travel by plane), can/should i be offended?
also, they said it is traditional for the bride to keep part her jewelry in her in-laws' locker - though we do not live with them - anyone else heard of this "tradition"?
they asked me for 15,000 rupees for buying gifts for my sister-in-law, is this "tradition" or dowry?
we had a love marriage, not arranged. but my in-laws are such emotional blackmailers and competent brainwashers that i cannot distinguish "tradition" from manipulation any more.
we are in indian and i am not conversant with traditions so i never know whether the demands my in-laws conveniently term "traditions" are legitimate or not.
locker = term for bank safe deposit box in india
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November 28th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
♦ Your a grown married woman now, if you don’t feel comfortable with something or comfortable doing certain things, then DON’T.. their tradition or not.. ultimately comes down to your choice or decision.. ~
November 28th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Sorry but you ALL are about the money.
And that whole "love marriage" please, then why care about the gifts?
November 28th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Since this is not an arranged marriage I suggest you start to get your parents involved. Have both sets of parents over for dinner and tell them you want your parents guidance on some things his parents have requested - keeping the jewels, the rupees… and that should let his parents know that from now on anytime of these requests you will be passing directly to your parents….
November 28th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
I’m assuming this marriage has trust and love so you should talk to your husband and find out straight from him what his families traditions are. Not only that but more and more people are steering away from boorish traditions. Did you agree to any of these terms before you were married? who cares what they want/think - enjoy your husband your new life together. When is comes to gift giving for your in-laws, make cards from paper and glue macaroni to it…see how they like it
November 28th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
That sucks! I’d get annoyed, I wouldn’t do what they told me to do. If they get mad, who cares…it sounds like they live far away enough from you. Do what you want for your sister in laws gift.
November 28th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Do not put anything in their ‘locker’ or give them anything so they can buy their daughter gifts (on your dime). They sound greedy and do not give in, you will find they will manipulate you with many gift request under the lable ‘tradition’.
November 28th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Traditions are not always to be placed on the next generation. YOU and your HUSBAND need to figure out what traditions YOU want and then go with it. I have never heard of having to give jewels or money to in-laws.
Maybe the parents don’t think much of the marriage and are wanting to get something out of you so if later it is not to stay so then they can have claim to what is in their locker…..
TALK to your family and to your husband.